The divorce rate in this country is staggering at 50 percent of marriages ending in absolute separation. Although the reasons for divorce are many – from psychological incapacity to physical abuse – it cannot be denied that it will hurt both parties.
Well, when you believe that your marriage is worth fighting for, then fight for it. Just remember that you must fight for it as a united team, you and your spouse. And with these tips, the road to redemption of your marriage is possible.
Talk, Don’t Beg
Communication is essential to any relationship. As such, you must talk with your partner about your marital issues but make sure to do so in a calm manner, in a non-judgmental way and preferably with your head, not so much with your heart. Experts recommend using “I” sentences more than “you” sentences in this case because of the way the former comes off as more positive. Thus, instead of saying “You make me feel bad about your actions”, say “I feel bad that I seem to be on your last priority list”.
During your talks, you have to avoid begging your partner to stay. Not only is desperation an unattractive quality but it also speaks of a weak character. Plus, it might work today but not tomorrow, thus, still leading to a divorce down the road.
Fix, Don’t Fight
Sure, you might fight at one time or another. However, you must make sure that your fights are meant to make your relationship stronger instead of weaker. Thus, you must fight fair by knowing what you are fighting for – your marriage, plain and simple – and by letting the other one have his/her say. Indeed, you must make sure that you hear what the other is saying instead of letting the children, much less the neighbors, hear what the both of you are saying at the same time.
Also, you must accept that fixing your problems will take time. You have to give each other the space and the time to think things through. Unfortunately, man has yet to invent a magic potion to make your marital problems go away so you must work on them, together.
Change Yourself, Don’t try to Change the Other
Change is the only constant thing in this world, we have been told time and time again. However, in a relationship between two people, the only person we are able to truly change deep down is ourselves. You might work towards changing the other person but if that person resists your advances at every turn, then your efforts will be for nothing.
Thus, before you set about changing the other person, look into yourself first. You need to assess if there is anything in who and what you are that may need changing to make for a better relationship. Like it or not, you are not perfect.
Only when you have changed for the better can you hope to influence your spouse to change, too, for the sake of the marriage. Take note that the operative words are hope to influence although you can always try.
Now, if your efforts to save your marriage on your own do not work, then maybe it is time to seek professional marriage counseling. It will do your marriage plenty of good if and when both parties are willing to do so.